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  • humans...

    We are not feeling well
    a mysterious pain
    that has been coming on
    since the onset of immortality

    how else to speak of
    the ache from our inner conscious
    leaking out into silence
    while we spread our peacock tails
    within our cages
    an almost sign
    that we're free

    and our moon
    our beautiful sister
    plucks our muted ribs
    the heart strings of her lute
    and watches over us sweetly
    in soft sadness
    through two diaphanous orbs
    like a beautiful proof
    that she can also abscond


    but we simply stare!...
    in floral speleoligical alchemy
    faintly stirring profound relations
    in penetrating gazes
    impenetrable meditations
    and immobilities
    a daze of dizzy depths
    opening longing petals
    reversing our
    unending days and nights

    smitten by
    witnessing ourselves
    with the secret pity of siblings
    that nourishes and fatigues
    the golden shimmer
    that we are more than animals
    greater than lifeless stone
    seeping from our skin (just before it bristles)
    in a tranquil floating scent
    a mist that frightens and soothes us
    like our own lilac nakedness
    vulnerable to each other
    and to loves' nocturnal osmosis...
    Last edited by lunar glide; 07-17-2016, 12:48 PM.

  • #2
    Polished and shimmering write, lg. I love the tale and the telling!

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you maestro!! always appreciate your visit 😄

  • #3
    This is good.

    I like that I can read it either as 'We are not feeling well a mysterious pain...' or 'We are not feeling well; a mysterious pain...' and the entire poem changes.

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you so much! I appreciate your visit and admire your poetry.

  • #4
    I'm reading and rereading this because new things grab me each time LG. MHenry and Merkavah's comments, especially the one about the opening line...give me even more material for reflection. There's the challenge of the situation interspersed with descriptors like 'soft' or 'soothes' or 'tranquil', but the conclusion feels anything but. Shivers of the best kind here.

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you RLW! I want to learn how to rhyme more naturally like you 😄 appreciate the visit and taking time to comment

  • #5
    hank a gem of a write that has woken up my immagination on a Sunday morning thank you

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you pp! you have a wonderful imagination

  • #6
    I'm enjoying this one Lunar- reading, re-reading, admiring this piece of artwork expressed through writing you've provided! Write some more soon!

    Comment


    • lunar glide
      lunar glide commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you so much cindi! I really appreciate your reading and commenting 😄you've made my day

  • #7
    lunar glide i could read this stanza again and again and again. WAIT! I already have!

    but we simply stare!...
    in floral speleoligical alchemy
    faintly stirring profound relations
    in penetrating gazes
    impenetrable meditations
    and immobilities
    a daze of dizzy depths
    opening longing petals
    reversing our
    unending days and nights


    In your undeniably dizzying fashion you have crafted another mesmerizing piece!
    ' to loves' nocturnal osmosis...'
    Bravo!!

    Comment


    • #8
      thank you very much samuel! I appreciate your reading and commenting 😄

      Comment


      • #9
        This verse is beyond my ability to respond respectably. It sent my mind to a scene i cannot find words to describe. A truly beautiful place
        Thank you

        Comment


        • #10
          thank you rhymetime! your comment means more than you know because this one almost became a short story instead. I was afraid it was too intense to put in verse. thank you!

          Comment


          • #11
            I cannot add more than to what has been said LG. This takes my breath away at its depth and beauty.

            Comment


            • lunar glide
              lunar glide commented
              Editing a comment
              I'm happy you liked it ATL. thank you 😄

          • #12
            lunar glide i have returned to this...............that nourishes and fatigues
            the golden shimmer
            that we are more than animals
            greater than lifeless stone

            Comment


            • lunar glide
              lunar glide commented
              Editing a comment
              thanks for returning suz-zen. 😄

          • #13
            Well done, lunar glide! I reread this and I still don't know what to say except very well said!

            Comment


            • lunar glide
              lunar glide commented
              Editing a comment
              thanks! glad that you read it

          • #14
            There is a multitude of depth and layers here.
            I glean new meaning with each additional read.

            Very eloquent.

            Comment


            • lunar glide
              lunar glide commented
              Editing a comment
              thank you! I appreciate you reading and commenting 😄

          • #15
            wow Wow WOw WOW (brilliant comment on my part but everybody said everything already) EXCELLENT ELOQUENCE BRILLIANTLY WORDED!

            Comment


            • lunar glide
              lunar glide commented
              Editing a comment
              oh my. thanks so much!
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