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Be the Riffraff!

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  • Be the Riffraff!

    Be the Riffraff!

    Weary of hobnobbing with the riffraff
    Who, after all, had grand designs on my mojo
    I resolved to elevate my status and commune instead
    With the elite of society - the poets, the artistes

    I devised a multi-step plan, a business plan, if you will
    To accomplish this lofty goal, complete with an endless
    Trail of obscenely large numbers, which added up to one thing
    It would not be easy to crack the thick shell of the upper crust

    Undaunted, I proceeded to bind and decorate my plan with
    Important-looking endorsements from distant cousins who
    To their later considerable regret and consternation
    Had previously contacted me for genealogical purposes only

    Armed with this officious-looking document, I proceeded
    To attend important sounding meetings and seminars
    Distributing my business plan liberally to withdrawing hands
    Rolled eyes, shrinking torsos, crooked grins, and sidelong glances

    Overall, I would have to say this strategy was a rousing success
    As I heard my name spoken often and loudly in the galleries
    Followed by uproarious laughter and resounding guffaws
    Whereas heretofore I had been virtually unnoticed, I was now a star

    To capitalize on this newfound fame and impending fortune
    I commissioned a logo, an untastefully large and pretentious logo
    Designed to accentuate my newly attained glitterati status
    A glitterati among glitterati, destined for a star on the Walk of Fame!

    I plastered this logo on ostentatious faux leather briefcases
    I plastered it on knock-off Montblanc fountain pens and Polo shirts
    Billboards advertised my logo in huge letters on the busiest street corners
    I ran up unduly large and impressive American Express Gold card bills

    Arresting-looking armed guards escorted me out of every event
    As if I were a celebrity! Sometimes depositing me a bit roughly
    Perhaps somewhat sooner than I had planned to leave, and before I had
    A chance to salt my coq au vin and imbibe of the fine Chablis

    But this was a small price to pay for the satisfaction I have felt
    From picking myself up by my own bootstraps and elevating myself
    To the upper strata of society and leaving behind the riffraff
    Who, after all, were holding me back from realizing my full potential

    I now give seminars all over the country, selling my techniques
    Why hang out with the riffraff when you can elevate your status and
    Be the riffraff?! With my catchy logo and catch-phrase
    I speak to filled houses at every event. Find me on Facebook! Sign Up Now!

  • #2
    OMG, I will be contacting you shortly for my Poetic Business Plan; I guess I'll need a Logo and some signage. MH, you have spun a wonderful tale here. I salute you greatly. I think I have heard the phrase riffraff, but you have make a work of art of it. Are new clothes needed for seminars?

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi, Tanner, It's good to see you! This tale was woven from the cloth of two words - hobnob and riffraff, and embellished with the phrase 'business plan,' the subjects of a couple of conversations I recently had. I can certainly sell you a worthless package, including an offensive logo and an unintelligible business plan at the brilliant poets' deep discount, allowing you to skip the seminar and avoid getting dressed. You may remain comfortably in your underwear while you look for something worthwhile that may have accidentally inserted itself into the packet. A once in a lifetime opportunity, my poet friend!

  • #3
    Famously famous for not being famous but faking fame. Very good, MH!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks, Muttado1sb! You may able to relate this tale to certain activities that have recently appeared on my calendar.

    • Muttado1sb
      Muttado1sb commented
      Editing a comment
      I did make that connection, but I didn't want to assume since I consider myself more part of the hoi polloi than the riffraff. So, are you trying to tell me something? ;-)

    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      I guess we are all riffraff, depending on whose company we keep!

  • #4
    I see this as an endless muse. The possibilities are endless. The mind from whence this came is the only entity more brilliant! Bravo

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, BDB, for your generous comment, and for taking the time to read this longish tale!

  • #5
    I really enjoyed this MH. Wonderful tale.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, AG! I appreciate your feedback!

  • #6
    What a wry, savvy saga, MHenry. A raffish riff, indeed!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, grant! Long live the riffraff!

  • #7
    MHenry what a commitment to this poem! It is grand!! I agree with grant hayes and further was going to call out savage or SAUVAGE (Johnny Depp reference = anit-riff raff riff raff) ! You really nailed this.... observations galore that are stunning!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, Zuz-zen, my ebullient one! Your comments are like shooting stars! Fireworks on the fourth of July! Crispy bacon on a blt! Oh, how I long for your looks and your comments. I fairly languish without them!

  • #8
    this was super entertaining!!! you have a gift my friend

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Wow, Thank you, lg! Coming from such a talented poet as you are, that is truly a compliment to treasure!

  • #9
    profoundly said we ultimately sit in our own pile of sh#''%%t and believe what you want

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for the look and the comment, The second. We jockey for position all our lives until finally we die and assume our final position

  • #10
    Oh my this is delicious MHenry! I feel more 'riffraffian' just reading it!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi, RLW, Thanks for finding this riffraff in the rubble!

  • #11
    See the riffraff, be the riffraff! you are at your ironic, witty best here MHenry. This is every one's life. I remember Dick Cavett saying his greatest fear was falling into poverty and living in a garret some where.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, John, I enjoyed writing this one. I share Dick Cavett's fear, but not his wealth!
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