Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

So Far

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • So Far

    Title as Inspiration from Lunar Glide

    So far I have come
    Even my shadow is weary
    And truly complains

    The days blur together
    Darken and shrivel
    Twirl off like falling leaves

    I will watch from now
    Hoping to catch sight of
    An omen in the night sky

    Perhaps a new comet
    Or super novae sending
    Ancient light as a gift

    I will wait for you here
    Perhaps your now and mine
    See the same view


  • #2
    I love this! It reminds me of a song I've sung since I was little. The lyrics are such:

    I see the moon, the moon sees me
    Under the leaves of the old oak tree
    Please let the moon that shines on me
    Shine on the one I love

    Over the mountains, over the seas
    Back where my heart is longing to be
    Please let the moon that shines on me
    Shine on the ones I love

    I sang it to my children as a lullaby. Your haiku chain again paints a hopeful picture.
    Last edited by RhymeLovingWriter; 06-30-2016, 03:37 PM. Reason: Can read 'one' or 'ones' (plural) as fits. :)

    Comment


    • #3
      RLW, Beautiful song. Thank you for sharing. Does this song have a name / title?

      Comment


      • RhymeLovingWriter
        RhymeLovingWriter commented
        Editing a comment
        I'm not sure. I'll be heading out to see my parents for the next couple of days and I'll ask.

    • #4
      its an honor to give even a small part to your writing when you literally give us so much!

      Comment


      • #5
        LG, you are much too kind and generous in your comments; I feel I am still learning and growing as a poet and interactions with RZ colleagues has been very helpful. As you well know, when
        you write what you feel is a "great poem" - you know it immediately! Occasionally I have those moments - but more are desired.

        Comment


        • #6
          It's a gorgeous poem, Tanner, with a natural strength to it. For my part, I have no hope in the ancient light of supernovas.

          Quick step to the stark note,
          stare of streets: not

          gracing of banners, brave
          on the singing

          sky, but a prickle of
          starlight, thousand

          ages distant, speeding
          - puff of needles

          through the deranging dust
          - to stitch its death

          enormous in my eyes.

          Comment


          • #7
            GH, OMG your super novae just arrived, you collapse words into phrases I only dream about; i.e. quick step to the stark note, gracing of banners,thousand ages distant et al. I don't know how you get so much meat on the bone, your compactness of writing is astonishing, oh yeah and "stare of streets" ---do you for the most part ever edit, or does this just flow out as is. I think you write in a type of idiom that is beyond what the English language once thought it was...

            Comment


            • grant hayes
              grant hayes commented
              Editing a comment
              Tanner, this bit is filched from a longer piece; I thought it was apposite to your reflections. It has moved through a number of evolutions. Some of the lines here were originally in other poems, from which I rescued them. I do edit quite carefully, yet the raw material must always have flowed first. The compressed style overall is what 'comes naturally'. It has its limitations and its strengths. You are aware of both, I think.

          • #8
            GH, I am gladdened to hear of filching. I do it from time to time, trying to cull out images and lines that deserve better company. Your compressed style is truly unique; I used to have the habit of
            too many prepositional phrases in poems or the use of "like a cloud et al" but have tried to more on. I am always amazed when I write in a different vein; for instance, Shark Bay, Australia
            was written verbatim in a trance.

            Comment


            • #9
              Very nicely done, Tanner! Your words are magical!

              I am especially enchanted by
              So far I have come
              Even my shadow is weary
              And truly complains

              The days blur together
              Darken and shrivel
              Twirl off like falling leaves

              I haven't seen many others who make simile and metaphor like you, Tanner. It's like popping popcorn. Boom! - hundreds of delicious metaphors just pop out of your fingertips, like scarves from a magician's mouth!

              Comment


              • #10
                Tanner agree with MHenry
                Even my shadow is weary
                And truly complains

                I have thought of this line many times. Read this morning while working and no time to comment. Knew i would come back to this.

                Comment

                Working...
                X