Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

headlights

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • headlights


    let you go,find you
    right over there
    on the freeway, not you
    but a face, I stare
    names in the headlights,
    your serious stare
    strangers drive slowly
    seemingly fair
    all witness to memories
    not lost
    somewhere shared

  • #2
    Hmmmm? Someone's in a reflective mood. Have you ever met a new lover in traffic? A de-light-'full write Suz-zen!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      thanks Bobby... i have met prospective lovers... none that have amounted to anything. Decoys i say!

  • #3
    Intriguing. And if you're going for enigmatic - you're well on the way - if not arrived! Kudos Suz-zen!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you for reading and commenting RLW and for the Kudos.

  • #4
    Wow! This meditation on traffic and remembrance has a fascinating rhythm, woven musically with devices. I am intrigued by the rhyme scheme: the sequence of there, your stare, the remembered stare, fair, then the closing lines complicating the sequence and arriving at the near rhyming shared. It all flows with ease. More music: the connection of right, freeway, face, names, headlights through alliteration, consonance, and assonance; the rhythmic and device-rich sequence of serious stare, seemingly fair, and somewhere shared. This is a brilliantly crafted poem, Suz-zen. Not enough Likes, hat's off, jaw dropped.
    Last edited by grant hayes; 06-29-2016, 04:18 PM.

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks so much grant. while i try not to use the same word in a poem the 'stare' used twice was well considered. this one came to me quickly... thankful for your careful look!

  • #5
    your voice seems to me to best expressed almost as a Polaroid of your interactions. i enjoy your unique technique of expression. there is indeed Zen in your poetry.. in your in the moment imagery
    Last edited by lunar glide; 06-29-2016, 05:20 PM.

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      I will take that as a compliment... i enjoy a Polaroid picture. No editing really. in the moment- deeply felt. I must get one... camera that is. Have been thinking about it. It may lend itself to some creative endeavors. I'm glad you enjoy my 'technique' lunar glide ,,, that is very sweet sounding to me! THANK YOU!!

  • #6
    What a use of metaphor!

    A creative, eloquent work of art!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      These are very generous and kind compliments DWAYNE, I thank you very much! It means a lot to me. I poured a lot into this.

  • #7
    Mining the profundity here, eh, Suz-zen! Finding romance on a crowded freeway is a bit of a juggling act. When I had long(er) hair, I would get a kick out of the guys who would pull up next to me to see how cute I was only to be confronted by a mustache and a wasted wink! Next! Well crafted thinking woman's piece!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      hahahhahhahah!! difficult to tell sometimes!!
      oooooh! profundity? thank you MHenry

  • #8
    Suz-zen, Truly Outstanding Poem !!!!!!!!!!!! The rhyme and flow, reading this I sensed I was in traffic. Grant, as always delved deeper, and with his insights I am more astonished at the beauty of this poem, Masterful. May I ask how long you worked on this - i.e. how many drafts? If this basically just flowed out I need serious lessons from your Muse.

    Comment


    • #9
      Thank you Tanner what a delightful surprise to read your comment today. To answer your question is not easy... i will try... i worked on this one over several days but the idea came to me very quickly as i was driving. The first draft was just a little bit longer that this one... total 3 versions. When i say 3 days i typically work on a piece for 15 to 20 minutes at a time. If it is not flowing i move away from it may come back if it beckons I will come back. Or leave it all together ....till another time when the flow is coming to me. That, my friend is my process. My muse is connection to deep feelings within and outside to all that is swirling around me.... trying to connect to me through some kind of energy that i may not be able to see outright.

      Comment

      Working...
      X