Predators

[MHenry]

Predators

Hungry wolves, shoulders
Hunched, prowl the moon-drenched mountain
Lost sheep bleats no more
Last night you took me roughly
Then left me spent and speechless

[RhymeLovingWriter]

The picture isn't pretty - but the words are well-turned.

[MHenry]

Thank you, RLW. A dire situation indeed.

[Tanner]

MHenry, Love the beginning, especially "shoulders hunched", as you know, Tanner loves simplicity and straightforwardness, most excellent write!

[MHenry]

Thank you, Tanner, Yes, you are the master of spare and pithy!

[grant hayes]

I like how you've simply juxtaposed the predation of the wolves with the feelings of the subject. Very effective, Maestro Henry!

[MHenry]

Thank you, grant, The piece is infused with much assonance and consonance, which also marries the words, I think.

[John Wertz]

The turn in line 4 is really interesting. For me, the word "roughly" seemed to jump off the page.

[MHenry]

Thanks, John, The tanka form requires the third line to draw from the fist two and feed the last two. The first two lines are as compact as I could make them, while the last two lines are loosely worded, in keeping, I think, with the structure of this particular tanka. You pointed out the word 'roughly,' in particular, which is interesting, because that is perhaps the only adverb in the tanka, and I hesitated to use it, especially as the last word in the line, because it seemed out of place. However, it does seem to work for this piece.

[AlexandratheLate]

The moon drenched mountain very romantic and then slam. Nicely done MH.

[MHenry]

Thanks, AG, I love to find those slams whenever I can!