Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Please See Me

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Please See Me

    Please See Me

    Older sister elopes at seventeen
    Anything to get out
    Brother and I play ball in the street
    Soon, we have to come in
    Make dinner and clean the house
    Father works two jobs
    He is never home, or if he is
    He’s asleep on the chair
    In the living room
    He couldn’t even make it up the stairs
    Little brother sits by the record player
    Stares out the window - waiting
    No one knows where mother is
    Little sister holds her breath
    Until she passes out
    Her way of saying
    Someone, please see me

  • #2
    So honestly told, and poignant without slipping into sentimentality. Eloquently spare language. This is very moving, MHenry, in an understated way, which is the best way to express this kind of thing. You let the situation speak for itself. That is not at all easy to do.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      I am pretty sure I responded to you and to Dwayne, but here I am, and here my comments are not. Am I the only one who experiences this unsettling problem? Has dementia set in?

      In any event, thank you for your gracious and uplifting comment, grant. This was another piece the reaction to which I was anticipating with some trepidation.

  • #3
    Absolutely agree with both Mr. Smith and Mr. Hayes!

    Your brevity, deliberate diction, pares down to the essence of a moment, and allows, compels, the reader to delve into the subject matter.

    This is a real expertise, and you have mastered it.
    Last edited by DWAYNE; 05-16-2016, 03:19 PM.

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, Dwayne, This is a very heartening comment. I write a lot of business letters and emails, and I have practiced being concise. I suppose that has influenced this piece.

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I have to be concise in my regular writing, too, MHenry. It definitely influences one's poetical workings. I think it can be a strength, channelled well; I think it works for you, and you should go with that flow.

  • #4
    Leaves you wanting to know more. Loved it MH!!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      There is more to tell, I am not sure how to tell it yet. Thanks, AG!

  • #5
    Oh wow - you are a fabulous storyteller. Amazing write. Fills one with longing - wondering why...

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, Sumyanna, I love your work, as well.

  • #6
    Very moving, MHenry. Speaks so well to the power of family. All our other relationships pale, don't you think?

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      True, John. There is something about growing on the same bush that has immense power.

  • #7
    MHenry, I feel this to be one of your finest works... you've told a bittersweet story in a way that it seemed as if I'd read a novel. There are few that can write a novels worth of emotions in 18 lines. KUDOS to you my poet friend!

    Comment


    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, graydon, After my little 'hissy fit' with the anti-rhyme, I now assault the 'Zone with my anti-poem! This is a great reminder that honest writing telling an emotional story can be rewarded.

  • #8
    To be sure MHenry! No matter what style in which you write, you always write in style....

    Comment


    • #9
      The poetry that I most appreciate, evoke emotion contemplation, or reflection.

      Your poetry consistently does that.

      Comment


      • MHenry
        MHenry commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, Dwayne. I always appreciate your support!

    • #10
      You gave something to read that's sad and true! Nicely written!

      Comment


      • MHenry
        MHenry commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, Rach79. You are right about sad and true!

    • #11
      Straight to the heart - again - your word arrows find their target. Beautifully written MH.

      Comment


      • MHenry
        MHenry commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you, RLW, and the heart is where I was aiming... this time!
    Working...
    X