Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Automaton (Baby Shoes for Sale)

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Automaton (Baby Shoes for Sale)

    Sweetest daughter knew her mother, so much more than any other,
    Could best understand the reasons that she didn’t say a word
    There were flowers on the table (though it wasn’t very stable)
    Any hope that they would comfort really bordered on absurd

    With the room still full of people and the ringing in the steeple
    Welcome noise as willing ether served to numb her saddened soul
    Though most careful words were chosen still her visage remained frozen
    And the pieces that were shattered would not ever be made whole

    Overflowing cards in basket right beside the tiny casket
    Spoke of sympathy and caring from those hurting by her side
    Soon the grave mass would be mounded; lamentations full expounded
    Solemn motorcade a rite where bitter grief would full abide

    After journey held such detour she could never fully be sure
    If a life without his presence she could fathom - never crave
    Day by day she kept returning to the silent place of yearning
    ‘Til the day they found her lifeless right beside his little grave

    Weeks beyond the day of mourning and despite most subtle warning
    There had never been a place where hope could toe-hold in her view
    Two dear lives by then were ended, those remaining, lives upended
    If the first death was a wound the second tore their hearts in two

    Those remaining blank with sorrow could not fathom, beg, or borrow
    Ray of hope or word of comfort for a world so badly torn
    So automaton in cleaning objects others would be gleaning
    Drew staid signage un-redeeming –
    For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.


    There was really no way to improve on the original prompt, but I wanted to give it a try anyway.

  • #2
    A sad tale of woe, if ever there was one. Beautifully told, RLW!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks MHenry. Part of the prompt as described by Sumyanna was to bring the reader to tears. Since it nearly did that for me while writing it, I figured it would fill the melancholy requirement.

  • #3
    This is one of the very best writes I've had the privilege to read here RLW! It tugged at my heart and saddened me greatly. When written words can make such a deep impact on one such as myself, you've done a superb job of writing. I cannot give it enough accolades..

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Graydon for such high praise. Thankfully it is only partly autobiographical. I'm sure there were days after my grandson died when both my daughter and son-in-law felt little will to continue. But as they had two other children, one older and one younger, by the time of Landon's death, they had to work through the grief. That part about the tiny casket though...I had never been to the funeral of a child before my grandson, and it is even more sobering and shocking than one can ever be prepared to witness.

  • #4
    I LOVE YOUR RHYME....
    And you wrote:

    Two dear lives by then were ended, those remaining, lives upended

    Which was OUTSTANDING, along with the entire piece.

    Um...
    Your avatar says 551 posts...
    Yet describes you as a NEW MEMBER?

    Is there an error there?

    Excellent work which created a vivid image.
    Thanks so much for your piece. Well done.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Billie for the very kind words. Yes, I keep thinking that is going to change over. I read somewhere on the forum something about that, but will have to go back and hunt for it, as I'm not sure exactly where
      I saw it.

  • #5
    I hesitated in reading this because of the sadness I was sure it would evoke. And it's beautifully sad especially the line -- if the first death was a wound the second tore their hearts in two -- reminded me of my mother losing her brother and niece at the same time in a car accident. I was only 7 and it was so painful. Beautifully sad.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      I am so sorry for your family's loss AtL. That is truly the type of situation which levels a person. I believe wholeheartedly in life everlasting and the resurrection of the dead. I also know that in those moments of loss, when you are the one left behind, it can seem impossible to see beyond the pain. Thank you for having the bravery to read and especially for taking time to comment.
Working...
X