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Meandering Mind

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  • Meandering Mind

    No eloquence redeemed her;
    besides the daily struggle
    (fought unseen).
    Ordinary ways
    followed
    mindful
    mold
    or
    rut.
    Or routed
    trough, containing
    dross – stagnant, repellent -
    purposeful to no one or no thing.
    Smothered with perfume
    chosen to mask last
    night’s heavy
    musk ooze
    from him,
    or
    her.
    Or both
    because who
    could tell anymore
    where one ended and
    the other began? Except for signs
    that one was moving on
    while the other held
    fast to rutted
    ordinary
    ways.

    Or
    not.

  • #2
    The words flow well. I love it. <3

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks PoetryBree. This is what happens when I just sit in front of the keyboard and let my mind wander. Thanks for the like!

  • #3
    very nice

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Imrogue for the like and comment.

  • #4
    That's your mind wandering, Rhymist? You should do that more often, let it roam like that, because it stumbles into, oh, y'know, just poetic BRILLIANCE.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Why thank you Grant. I was thinking about trying to rhyme, but am a bit tired from a good day, so just let my thoughts go wherever they wanted. If I had tried to do this, it probably wouldn't have turned out. I do kind of like it. Thanks for the high praise.

  • #5
    Hi, RLW, A lovely poem with great visual format! Ruts and drifting apart. You got right inside the mind of many relationships and evoked the sad emotions of going nowhere yet drifting apart.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks MHenry. You know, when I was finished I sat back and looked at it and it hit me, just what you said in your comment on Husband, I think it was, about moving away from strictly rhyme. I'd actually thought I would go back to rhyme tonight! Strange how that happened. Thank you for the comment...although when I think about it too much, it's not really a happy poem, is it?

    • MHenry
      MHenry commented
      Editing a comment
      Happy poems are for children's picture books. I want agony!

  • #6
    I wanted to select a line or two as my favorites or ones that grabbed me or resonated with me and found i was going to copy and paste nearly the entire piece. I love how you started off. And the feel of this as you proceed.... Tremendously executed RLW.

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      this morning i am able to see this jumping out at me like a jaguar:

      Except for signs
      that one was moving on
      while the other held
      fast to rutted
      ordinary
      ways.

    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Or
      not.


      Glad it came clear!

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      YES!! or not!!

  • #7
    Eloquence certainly redeems you

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Ah...thank you Parkinspoet. I am so in need of redemption.

  • #8
    Wow, and like MHenry said, it has a beautiful visual appeal.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Brain - this is the first time I've tried to do something like that. It might be something interesting to play around with in the future.

  • #9
    Ooh!

    You have hit your stride now!

    Raw rhythmic elegance!

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Dwayne. That is music to my ears (and hopefully to my muse's as well)!

  • #10
    Beautifully Meandered. I like the structure as well. Nicely done.

    Comment

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