Meandering Mind

[RhymeLovingWriter]

No eloquence redeemed her;
besides the daily struggle
(fought unseen).
Ordinary ways
followed
mindful
mold
or
rut.
Or routed
trough, containing
dross – stagnant, repellent -
purposeful to no one or no thing.
Smothered with perfume
chosen to mask last
night’s heavy
musk ooze
from him,
or
her.
Or both
because who
could tell anymore
where one ended and
the other began? Except for signs
that one was moving on
while the other held
fast to rutted
ordinary
ways.

Or
not.

[PoetryBree]

The words flow well. I love it. <3

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Thanks PoetryBree. This is what happens when I just sit in front of the keyboard and let my mind wander. Thanks for the like!

[imrogue]

very nice

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Thanks Imrogue for the like and comment.

[grant hayes]

That's your mind wandering, Rhymist? You should do that more often, let it roam like that, because it stumbles into, oh, y'know, just poetic BRILLIANCE.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Why thank you Grant. I was thinking about trying to rhyme, but am a bit tired from a good day, so just let my thoughts go wherever they wanted. If I had tried to do this, it probably wouldn't have turned out. I do kind of like it. Thanks for the high praise.

[MHenry]

Hi, RLW, A lovely poem with great visual format! Ruts and drifting apart. You got right inside the mind of many relationships and evoked the sad emotions of going nowhere yet drifting apart.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Thanks MHenry. You know, when I was finished I sat back and looked at it and it hit me, just what you said in your comment on Husband, I think it was, about moving away from strictly rhyme. I'd actually thought I would go back to rhyme tonight! Strange how that happened. Thank you for the comment...although when I think about it too much, it's not really a happy poem, is it?

[MHenry]

Happy poems are for children's picture books. I want agony!

[Suz-zen]

I wanted to select a line or two as my favorites or ones that grabbed me or resonated with me and found i was going to copy and paste nearly the entire piece. I love how you started off. And the feel of this as you proceed.... Tremendously executed RLW.

[Suz-zen]

this morning i am able to see this jumping out at me like a jaguar:

Except for signs
that one was moving on
while the other held
fast to rutted
ordinary
ways.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Or
not.


Glad it came clear!

[Suz-zen]

YES!! or not!!

[Parkinsonspoet]

Eloquence certainly redeems you

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Ah...thank you Parkinspoet. I am so in need of redemption.

[Brainwreck]

Wow, and like MHenry said, it has a beautiful visual appeal.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Thanks Brain - this is the first time I've tried to do something like that. It might be something interesting to play around with in the future.

[DWAYNE]

Ooh!

You have hit your stride now!

Raw rhythmic elegance!

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Thanks Dwayne. That is music to my ears (and hopefully to my muse's as well)!

[Odonko-ba]

Beautifully Meandered. I like the structure as well. Nicely done.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Thank you Odonko-ba.