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Secrets Kept On Lily Pads

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  • Secrets Kept On Lily Pads

    She sounds just like a 'gator,
    If a 'gator was a bird.
    Then sleeps just like a wrestler,
    If a wrestler only purred.


    She tells such sad, sad stories,
    She has nurtured since her birth.
    But only to herself she speaks;
    On lakes with pies and mirth.

    For when she told a mackerel scad,
    With eyes an icy blue,
    Her secrets kept on lily pads,
    Not meant for me and you;

    That slither on the river,
    Showed her some salty tears,
    Then left her floating, reeling,
    On a reed with old, cold fears.
    Last edited by Suz-zen; 04-30-2016, 01:25 PM.

  • #2
    Hi, Suz-zen,

    A mysterious, pondish delight! I read and re-read and loved it more each time!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks a bunch!! This is NOT my style! BUT!! I have been inspired by other poets here and thought I would venture outside of my ZEN mode! I appreciate that you found it worthy of even one read! It took me a long time to compose.... so I suppose a long to time to read makes sense... ? ha!!

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      PS: did you just make up a word/phrase? Pondish delight! I like it!!!

  • #3
    This is a gorgeously worded enigmatic piece, Suz-zen. I love its imagery and its mystery. I agree with MHenry about the reward of repeated reading. Sign of a great poem.

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Grant, thanks very much!!
      This took a tremendous amount of concentration for me. Not a free-flow process that I typically employ. Exhilarating once I got going! I tried to close my eyes and let it come to me and feel the pictures and the metaphors...I was on the road for work and it was a good escape for me!
      Again, your input is a grand and welcome gift!

  • #4
    Suz-zen - there are many cleverly turned phrases in this verse. My first favorite was "sleeps just like a wrestler, if a wrestler only purred" - what wonderful juxtaposition. I also liked the whole secretive nature of the middle two stanzas - almost hearing them whispered as I read. And the salty tears in the last stanzas reminded of the 'gator in the first (i.e. crocodile - like alligator slithering). Beautiful work. I feel the same kind of concentration required when I write w/out rhyme! I love how we each have distinctive and complimentary voices in this zone.

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh my gosh! Thanks so much RhymeLovingWriter! I love working with this concept as it seems to me it is life itself...juxtaposition.
      I am really pleased you got the tears referencing back to the alligator and sadness! Your praise and understanding is greatly valued. Writing in Rhyme is like learning to walk again! i love your comment about concentration when writing w/out it, since that has been my lifelong habit.
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