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Pinot White Tears

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  • Pinot White Tears

    Pinot white tears,
    Dripping from brooding blue clouds;
    Speak your last words,
    Delphinius down.
    Lilting silk shadows,
    Returning to teach,
    Strong warm hands,
    But in vain,
    Out of reach.
    September moon’s truth,
    With familiar, worn plans,
    Delirium, torture,
    For woman and man.
    The falling stars line up;
    Germinids return,
    Pacing lost pleasure
    atmospheres burn
    Looking to find,
    Where it all went,
    Acid rain
    Sunrise
    Truth is still bent.
    Last edited by Suz-zen; 09-10-2016, 05:37 PM. Reason: Suggestion from DF Russell 5-1-2016

  • #2
    Lovely, feels as reality with realistic hope but hope all the same.

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you Katry for reading and commenting about the feel of my poem. Hope springs eternal for me!

  • #3
    Marvelously mysterious, the anguish of a failed romance told in starry-eyed melancholy! But in your picture, you are laughing hysterically! Well done, poetess!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh MHenry! I looked at the juxtaposition of words and my face and thought to myself, perhaps a change of photo just might be in order, but then... NAH!! that is me! Laughing on the outside, and all the while on the inside the poetess writes. Sooooo, thanks for the kind words!!! Means so much to me.

  • #4
    Fantastic, Suz-zen. The weaving of seasonal changes with the perplexity of love's decline is just so well done. Another one to reread and savour!
    'Delphinius down' .... 'Germinids return' : brilliant!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks so much grant! MY favorite line is Delphinius down... I toyed with Germinids return and the time of year was vital to the meaning for me. Though the sound of it was not exactly what I heard in my head... it had to stay. thanks for reading and for your generous appraisal!

  • #5
    And 'Truth is still bent' - what a line, and what a perfect finale!

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      I have had that line written on a scrap of paper for quite sometime- tried to use it in another piece and it did not quite work. Do you ever do that?

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes, indeed, I do, Suz-zen 😊

  • #6
    Nicely done Suz-zen. Though I admit - a bit of education for me as I'd not heard of either Delphinus or Geminids - time for star gazing for this girl!

    Comment


    • #7
      Slight change, different feel and pacing:

      Pinot white tears --
      drip(ping) from brooding, blue clouds;

      I had to look up "Delphinius"

      Comment


      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        I appreciate the comment. I like brooding and can see the change in pacing. Thanks.

      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        I had not edited this and was going over some old poems... just edited ... thank you again.

      • D.F.Russell
        D.F.Russell commented
        Editing a comment
        Thanks not needed. I'm an anal, nitpicking virgo LOL

    • #8
      i have just discovered this and love it!

      Comment


      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you lunar glide. I was analyzing how some my work has changed... some has remained constant... I appreciate that you found this in my new edit and actually love it.

    • #9
      i think your work is inspired!

      Comment


      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        gosh, lg .... especially from you... one of my favorites ....i humbly say thank you.... .

    • #10
      From your mysterious and hidden vineyard of monumental creativity, an exquisitely wrought vintage, varietally pure, with magnificent bouquet, strong floral characteristics, and a heady minerality for immediate consumption, time and time and again.

      Comment


      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        Seems fitting that a trip to wine country ought be planned... thank you tanner!

    • #11
      suz-zen you have such a light touch this is a joy to read

      Comment


      • Suz-zen
        Suz-zen commented
        Editing a comment
        i am glad that you found it so ! Thank you for reading and letting me know Pp!
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