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  • Wonder

    To the one who wonders how I can be sensitive to the pain
    of others while fighting to remain
    here:
    empathy is not a selfless mirror
    for in responding
    through grief's haze by trying to give friendship, comfort, if nothing else a listening ear,
    I feel a connection to the realities of farewell and tears as reflections corresponding
    with the wonder of life lines tracing anew - to be mortal
    and upon a time traveled heartbeat, transcend the embracing portal
    where the vital peace of love's unconditional source awaits
    every Fate:
    only when your path of Earth hath sighed unto the wilderness sowing
    forgiveness into leaves read and reread and seasons open, sunning, snowing the beauty of acceptance knowing
    words bespoken now
    and carrying the seeds of tomorrow's bough
    - May you write on to another chapter
    cherishing her goodness and sweet laughter
    which is reminding of Soul's
    lilting, lifting flow.


    Last edited by Katray; 04-24-2016, 12:53 PM.

  • #2
    I love the cadence and mood of this poem. The reflective theme is unfolded gracefully and thoughtfully, with beautiful phrasing. I don't think the archaic pronouns and 'tis and hath add value; for me it would be even more affecting with current usages in place.

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    • #3
      Thank you, Grant and in reading it out aloud, I see what you mean. Thanks for the support and advice; gifted people here who are generous with their time and help. I'm really glad I found this forum!

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      • #4
        Hi, Katray, This is a profoundly moving piece. It flows gracefully. Many of the rhymes, cleverly cloaked, appearing only on closer reflection. I like the sentiment, and the way you put this touching, thoughtful poem together.

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        • #5
          Thank you so much, MHenry! I cleaned it up and hopefully tightened a bit. Your feedback means a lot.

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          • #6
            The flow of this is like, waves undulating.

            Great!

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            • #7
              Wow, such a beauty.

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              • #8
                Thanks, DWAYNE!

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                • #9
                  Much appreciated, Brainwreck!

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                  • #10
                    Absolute Master Piece

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                    • #11
                      Originally Posted by grant hayes
                      I love the cadence and mood of this poem. The reflective theme is unfolded gracefully and thoughtfully, with beautiful phrasing. I don't think the archaic pronouns and 'tis and hath add value; for me it would be even more affecting with current
                      cheap essay archaic usages in place.

                      Hello Grant,
                      Quite on the contrary, I believe. Archaisms contribute more to the general "flavor" of the poem. Here's what I mean: they underline and enhance the "lifting" effect created by the poem itself and the author who (as I feel) wanted to incorporate the influences of mortality vs immortality and how they connect.
                      Last edited by TerryMulhern; 08-01-2019, 10:48 PM.

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