Just a page in a steno pad. Actually it had no title

[Brainwreck]

blue jean ..........blue gene
mutate..ruminate....gestate....legislate
mitigate.....devastate....acclimate
innate...mutate...acclimate...berate
au fait....slate....create...traits
castrate...berate....frustrate

calculate to calibrate med. dose rate

over.....hostile takeover.....closer
controller....exposure....composure
recover.......compose

virtualize ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,slore is slut whore
virtual eyes
virtual lies
--------------------------------stressure
chemical restraint
my neuronal mess
chemical and electrical fast maze
synaspical short circuit or long
upmixed

Example of alogia-content, blocking, clanging, flight of ideas (very little in this one) word salad, neologism
I could not tell my doctor what was wrong, but somewhere in there I mentioned [calculate to calibrate med. dose rate
Needless to say that my medication was really tweaked this day. He saw the page in my book.
I could probably tell y'all what to look for and then tell me it is time to go back to the doctor.
This was from Dec. 2015.
Do y'all understand my Trouble with English? Oh, tweaked is my way of saying big ass change of medicine.
I also now know that some words were used twice......

[Brainwreck]

Now I expect some really off the wall comments on this one. vunerable, let you in, thick skin.
If you see this in the future w/o me saying it was from the past....tell it may be time to see your doctor.
And the talking or speech suffers also.
I am sane enough to know I am insane. I don't see elephants riding on dophin's backs carrying cabbage butterflies. So, I'm good.
I really would appreciate any comments. Perhaps you now understand my English problems. Just give me a percentages, or stock symbols or prices.

[imrogue]

Where I work, I can relate to this kind of sign and symptoms. It is actually very interesting to see in person... no to offense.

[AlexandratheLate]

It's the people who don't think they're crazy that worry me Brain. I see your frustration, your struggles and vulnerability and I agree with MHenry -- you let down your defenses for all to see - I believe your struggles give you an advantage in a unique and different perspective!!

[Brainwreck]

Thank you , A Late. I have wished that I were more insane and did not know it. I will try to use it in a unique way.
I like laughter a lot. The opposite of depression. I want y'all to laugh with me. Or that is what I am pretending.
That is my story and I am sticking with it. Thick Skin

[grant hayes]

I hear ya about being insane and all, Brain, but as you've put this up on a poetry forum, I see it in a poetical framework. To my eye it looks like a kind of exercise in rhyming and word-association - not yet a poem, more the building blocks for one. I like 'slore' and 'synaspical' and 'upmixed'; quite apart from their context, I find them delightfully creative. I know, because you've said so, that the neologising and word salad are symptoms of your condition. What you've written here, and your comments generally, make perfectly good sense. I know on the inside, you being yourself, you feel you have 'Trouble with English', and have struggled with that in ways we can only imagine. But from the outside, the English you share on this forum is part of what makes it such a delight to be here. You hold your own, Brainwreck.

[Brainwreck]

Thank you, Grant. I does look that way. Later, after medicine kicked in, it wasn't so bad and I have used
it to write. I'll make plenty of errors, but I don't mind because I AM Writing. This and a couple of other pages
my doctor told me to take to a new P/doc. I think it was a good example of what he had read in the book.
He also sent me to a new doc. It took 6 weeks to get in, so the med change had already kicked in and was
doing it's job. I will go back and look at some of the rhyming and try to make poems. I just don't write as
fast as most do here. BTW, my mother is the one who took me to the doctor. I loved the Coffee poem you wrote.
You can write my sillies down anytime you want. Thick skin. I have learned to not let others push my
buttons. It took some time, but that is letting someone else control your mmm emotions. I kinda just laugh.
They are not going to get a rise out of me, which is probably what they were hoping to do.

[MHenry]

Brainwreck, while we all like to share some truths in verse, about ourselves, about others, about the human condition, or nature, one thing you seem to have over all of us, is the ability to bare your soul without veil, without device, without hesitation. I would wager that this is an advantage you have over all of us, and you can use your stressure and your neologism to create things of great beauty, meaning, and truth, of which the rest of us are incapable. Do like we try to do. Use what you've got to the fullest.

[Brainwreck]

Thank you, MHenry. I did lay it out there. And the ability to bare soul w/o veil or device or hesitation is what I do.
It is the reason that I don't get a lot of the metaphors. I think in the concrete or jarble in the concrete.
I am thinking of scanning some of my handwriting to post. You can see a lot more than just the words.
I have almost finished a poem or memory device for me to remember all my meds. I know them pretty well.
My geriatric doctor starting asking me about my meds that I took to his office. I was pretty much right on.
I could give him both names of the med and what they did. I told him I could even pick it up in the dark and still
do it. One of my answers just totally cracked him up. Working to make it into a little poem.
Did you see where Grant took one of my comments and turned it into a poem? oh called [Coffee]
It is spot on. Also, I am honored that he, the metaphor king, did that. Just wild to me. And I loved it.

[MHenry]

Hi, Brainwreck, You may not be one-of-a-kind, but you are a kind one. I did see the coffee post and I commented there in praise of you, again.

[Brainwreck]

Imrogue, love your handle. It would be interesting if you would post some funny's or weirds, not to violate HIPPA, just as something to read. I don't
go out much and I don't know anyone like me. I would love to meet a mirror of me. We could laugh or cry at the same time. I am able to remove
my self or brain and look at me from a distance. Not multiple personalities. Hmm, I always know who I am but the mood swings are real. I am
in a Good Place now.