ravel

[grant hayes]

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[AlexandratheLate]

I found this piece exquisite and perplexing. You have set the bar quite high Grant. Amazingly done!!

[grant hayes]

Much appreciated, Alexandra; thank you! It is something of an experiment for me, structurally. The germ of it was actually a comment I made on someone else's poem.

[Brainwreck]

A high bar indeed.....yes, I am perplexed or just a little slow. hey, 8 haiku's in a row. I like these words. Kissward and moondust. hmmm,
they are your own made up words....spellchecker does not know them. Still mostly over my head.

[grant hayes]

I like neologisms too, Brain. Yes, eight stanzas that use the 5-7-5 haiku structure, though they are not haiku in their sensibility.
I was inspired to try this style by my friends here who are seasoned devotees of haiku.
It is unusually difficult to make sense of in some parts, I know, Brain. That is partly because I have decided to omit punctuation. But, rest assured, it does work according to the usual conventions of English syntax. Takes a bit of unravelling 😉

[AlexandratheLate]

Hence perplexing, lol. Needs to be unraveled. Grant you keep us in awe. Thank you for the challenges.

[RhymeLovingWriter]

Paradise lost - but beauty still to behold. Masterful.

[grant hayes]

I offer the following to aid interpretation. I have arranged the text in prose-like sentences, with punctuation and explanatory glosses here and there in square brackets [ ]


The bodies of which we die, at any moment move in many worlds - all [i.e. the worlds] clotted along a skein from the wordless real to coded ideal.

But [the] one [of these worlds] that anchors the monkey-clever, moondust-born trajectory, whence we nestle now - of all the depending earths [i.e. the worlds] alone is my joy!

Alone, this boneyard [same particular world] of our gathered headroom holds the spool to spin our seasons kissward, and [also spin our] skins from womb to giddy pulse of none other.

Alone, this garden [same particular world] ravels us - Eden's exiles - back to 'made she them'. [quote from Genesis 1, with pronoun change]

'Male and female made she them, and behold it was good, was very good.'

[MHenry]

It's great when you help us out. These explanations and commentaries will enrich us, too.

[Parkinsonspoet]

Grant thank you i found myself pondering your piece so although I lack technical knowledge something made a connection. Your last post is very helpful as there are things I can learn from you.that will benefit my own work. Once again ,thank you

[grant hayes]

'something made a connection' means a lot to me, Parkinsonspoet. That is what I aim for. The apparent difficulty is not meant to discourage, but to intrigue and involve. Thank you for reading!

[MHenry]

A lovely poem, grant. Spare and lyrical in a demanding structure, but most of all a joy to read -- to revel in the ravel as it were. The poem held together by theme and structure... skein, spool, spin, ravel. Then, we have skeins and skin. I love the wordless real to the coded ideal, and many other fine turns of phrase. The oracle to worlds heretofore unknown, grant hayes.

[grant hayes]

Thank you for reading so carefully, MHenry. You don't miss a beat. In trying this form I was inspired by the enthusiasm for the haiku structure held by yourself and others here, and by the mood of some of Tanner's works. I cannot approach him for sheer sensuous lyricism, of course, nowhere near it. But I can suggest a world heretofore unknown, or two. Thanks mate!