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Morning Swan

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  • Morning Swan

    Morning Swan .........Haiku

    sunlight mystified
    she lands shimmering ripples
    the swan's marsh mellow

    or

    sunlight mistified
    she lands rippling shimmers
    the swan's marshmallow

  • #2
    I absolutely love this Brain. It's beautiful imagery. Outstanding!!!

    Comment


    • Brainwreck
      Brainwreck commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you. I actually liked this one myself.
      Thanks Master....from grasshopper

  • #3
    I want such wreckage
    that swans and mystified light
    ripple through my brain

    Comment


    • Brainwreck
      Brainwreck commented
      Editing a comment
      I don't understand wreckage unless you took it from my name.

    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I was making a little thank you haiku that blended the elements of your name with the imagery in your poem. 😊

  • #4
    I like the first version best, Brainwreck. It's a celebration of nature, with a soft and humorous underbelly (marshmellow). Well done!

    Comment


    • #5
      A Late, Grant and MHenry, Thank you all. Your work and poems are way above mine, so it does mean a lot to hear from y'all. you all

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Your work holds its own, Brainwreck. This ain't a hierarchy.

    • #6
      Thank you, Grant. But, there is more to come. And more for me to learn.

      Comment


      • #7
        I love the short form verses! Haiku, dodoitsu, and other classical forms from the Far East... beautiful! I like this one you've penned... especially with a subtle hint of humour with the "marsh mellow" conclusion! Well done!

        Comment


        • Brainwreck
          Brainwreck commented
          Editing a comment
          Gosh, Piper, thank you for the kind words. I did not know what haiku was a month ago. Now you give me a new one...dodoitsu.
          I hope you will also comment on the one's that could use help and suggestions. Get your red pen out, I love this
          free education. You are advanced and I learn from that, although there are some poems from all that I do not get or do
          not get until I see all the comments. hmm, can you beat A Late with your red pen?
          Last edited by Brainwreck; 04-09-2016, 04:45 PM.

      • #8
        Brain, you are a poet in your own right, and you must never think otherwise. The Romans had "great poets", but they were merely copying from the Greek masters. Whenever you put to paper, poeticized feelings from your heart's passions', you become that poet like no other, living or dead.

        Comment


        • AlexandratheLate
          AlexandratheLate commented
          Editing a comment
          I agree with graydon -- you are a poet in your own right. Please don't ever feel otherwise. I love your honesty, your eagerness, your vulnerability that comes out in your poems!!!
          Last edited by AlexandratheLate; 04-09-2016, 08:29 AM.

      • #9
        Thanks to all of you for such nice compliments. But I want everyone to get out their red pen. Comment on some that
        have a lot of room to be better. Gosh, a month ago, I had no idea what a haiku was. Now to look up dodoitsu. I think I may like it.

        Comment


        • #10
          I agree. Poetic, beautiful imagery and humour. Marsh mellow is the one I prefer.

          Comment


          • #11
            Thank you to all. All those comments from fantastic poets. Stopping to give me a hand up. You could just ignore me. I may try posting
            something else in 2 forms. You pick and maybe tell me why,

            Being Here

            finding hear helping
            humbling home site for me
            Any suggestions before I post?
            poets minds open

            I
            Last edited by Brainwreck; 04-12-2016, 12:22 PM. Reason: Did not realize that my question got caught up in the middle of a haiku. I am glad that I found here.

            Comment

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