The people that know me best will probably tell you that I've always been in and out of "funks." Sometimes, I'm so happy that I want to kiss everyone I see and dance like I'm the most graceful ballerina in the whole freaking universe. Then, there are times when I sit at my computer revising my suicide note for, like, the billionth time. I know that everyone has their ups and downs, but when you feel like your brain is on a roller coaster ride from hell-- something is definitely wrong. I've tried going to therapy, but I feel like each one I've visited just parrots me, "So I'm getting the sense that you're feeling anxious about [INSERT SOMETHING I JUST TOLD THEM I WAS FEELING ANXIOUS ABOUT HERE]." And that just upsets me, makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with myself. I've also toyed with the idea of antidepressants, but the side effects terrify me and no one really understands how those pills work anyway. So, for practically all my life, I've been dealing with my depression and anxiety on my own..

Back in December, during a routine annual health exam, I learned that I have a vitamin D deficiency. At first I thought it was no big deal (my main objective for the doctor's visit was my heart palpitations). But after doing a little bit of Googling, I learned that not getting enough vitamin D can lead to a host of health problems, including my issues with my heart, and even found out it may be linked to depression. Of course, there are a host of other factors besides a lack of vitamin D that are more likely to cause depression. Genetics, a dysfunctional childhood, drug additions, etc. For me personally, I have a family history of mental illness and a very dysfunctional relationship with my closest relatives. So what could taking vitamin D do for all my issues?

A few weeks later, I was in Walmart near the pharmacy, and I figured I'd buy a supplement. I just figured, what the hell? Can't hurt. I picked out some generic gummy vitamins and started taking them every other day. I also have been trying to introduce more nutritious foods into my diet, so as not to be completely dependent on the vitamins. Futhermooooooore, I've tacked on a minor exercise regimen (at least 2x a week).

So what have my results been?

After these past few weeks, I can honestly say I feel... okay. Yes, just okay. I'm still sad, but I feel differently. For example, a few days ago, my boyfriend of six months and I broke up. And you want to know what's weird? I'm not balling my eyes out. I'm not screaming bloody murder. I just feel bummed. Not crippled, or debilitated, or like my life is completely over. Just sad that it didn't work out. It honestly wasn't a very healthy relationship, but for a long time I freaked out at the thought of losing him. Like, freaked the fuck out. But not this time. Could it be because eating healthier brought back a little of my sanity, made me finally see our relationship for what it was instead of allowing my thoughts to be crippled by anxiety? I don't know. Maybe.

I guess all I'm trying to say is-- if you suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression, try taking some vitamin supplements and/or eating better. Maybe it will help. If you do decide to give it a go, let me know how it turns out for you.